I love Tumblr.
The red light one kills me every time
I love this. All of this.
I can not stop laughing
My mom died Thursday, October 14, 2010. She had meningitis and the pus that formed around her brain constricted the blood flow and cause her to have stroke, after stroke, after stroke. No words will ever adequately describe the pain I felt as I watched her die. We knew it was coming, she had spent eleven days in the hospital and we watched her brain slowly deteriorate. She could no longer feed herself, she couldn’t move her arms or legs and eventually she couldn’t even look at us. All that was left of my mom was a blank stare. Her mind was gone. Early that morning the doctors told us she had a day or two left til her brain completely shut down and would no longer control her breathing. The doctors said when that happened they would put her on a machine that would force her body to breathe. Life support. They could keep her body alive for years if we wanted, but that’s not a life. Mom was already gone. My sisters and I agreed to “comfort care only” no measures would be taken to keep her alive anymore. Once we had given our instructions to the doctor, we formed a circle around her. My sisters Lynda and Harmony each took one of her hands and I climbed right into the hospital bed with her. I laid with my mom and held her while she passed; it didn’t take long. She was gone within 20 minutes. It’s almost like she could still hear us, she knew we had given her our permission to pass on.
No words will ever express the pain I still feel today.
Everyone has a different relationship with their mother. Some relationships are good, some bad. Some mothers never miss an opportunity to say, “I love you”, and some never say it at all. No matter what your relationship is like with your mother, no one is ever ready to lose her. There will always be more questions you could have asked, more stories you could have heard, more time you could have spent with her. But once she’s gone, that’s it. Only pictures and memories will remain.
I’m one of the lucky ones, I had a great relationship with my mom. We spent a lot of time together and we had a lot in common. She loved books and television just as much as I do. I could talk to her about anything without fear of being judged. She knew who I was and accepted me just the way I am. There is no doubt in my mind that she loved me. and it helps me to sleep at night knowing that I never missed an opportunity to tell her how much I loved her too. Every chance I had, I would grab her hand, look her in the eye and say, “Mama, I love you.”
and I still do.